Matthew Flinders' Cat by Bryce Courtenay

Author:Bryce Courtenay [Courtenay, Bryce]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
Tags: Historical
ISBN: 9781459620865
Publisher: McArthur & Co
Published: 2002-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER NINE

Although Billy had destroyed his letter to Ryan, it had served a purpose beyond simply forcing him to face up to his many shortcomings. It had also given him a tangible reason to stay on the wagon. He told himself repeatedly that if he went back to drinking, it was the equivalent of the Bridgewater sailing away into oblivion. While Ryan might live on, as did the ninety-three men on Wreck Reef, his promising young life could well be compromised forever. He’d patently deserted the child, and although there was nobody to report his cowardice, except possibly for Trevor Williams, he knew that unless he attempted to make amends, he could well become the Captain Palmer in Ryan’s life.

Billy was aware that, ghastly as the detox had been, the hard part lay ahead. To this point he had simply put himself into the hands of others and his own willpower had not been involved. He’d submitted to and been committed for treatment and the clinic had done the rest. Now he must fight his addiction on a daily basis and this time he must conquer his demons alone. While the detox had allowed him to climb onto the wagon, it was now his responsibility to hang on for dear life on what would prove to be a very bumpy ride.

They had counselled him at Resthaven, suggesting that he undergo a program of rehabilitation. They’d congratulated him and told him that the detox was a noble battle but warned that the war with himself had yet to be won. Again they asked what his motive had been to agree to detoxification and this time he was able to articulate it.

‘There is a young lad who is going to need my help.’ Billy didn’t explain that the young lad wasn’t only Ryan, but also Charlie and his own life, past and present. He had been granted a second chance, or perhaps he could even one day be able to claim that he was giving himself one.

Even though Billy’s body had been cleansed of alcohol, the psychological pressure to drink was enormous, hardly a minute passed when he didn’t think of grog. What his mind simply refused to embrace was the prospect of a life where alcohol didn’t play the major part. Billy couldn’t imagine not removing the top from a scotch bottle in anticipation of the rush he would get the moment after the golden liquid touched his lips. Our lives are very largely controlled by ritual, they are the habits we form to suit our emotional needs or even to survive the painful process of life, and when they are removed what often follows is psychological trauma resulting in a deep sense of loss.

Billy couldn’t stay in the clinic beyond seven days so he transferred to Stillwaters, a Salvation Army hostel about five kilometres away, where he was able to get a room. This was done very much against the advice of the clinic, who urged him to go on to a rehabilitation program immediately.

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